Cultural Diversity and Midwifery

In the last few days I have been having a hard time articulating a thought I have had for a while. I have been trying to figure out my desire to at least have the option of a woman of color for a midwife. I wrote some of this inner dialogue down in a post from a few days ago:

The only thing missing is a woman of color, I wish I had the option of a woman who looked a little like me and maybe shared some of my life experiences. I did see one midwife who had a diverse practice so that put my mind at ease.

Even after I wrote it I couldn’t fully articulate why I was reluctant to automatically sign up with a Caucasian midwife. Then I was watching a birth story that night where a couple had a midwife and were doing a natural birth. Their birth story was calm, the husband chanted “om” in the corner while his wife quietly transitioned in the warm tub where she eventually delivered. The midwife was pleasant and sweet through their process.

Yet I watched this this birth and shook my head. I know myself too well. I am not the nicest person when I am uncomfortable. If I was in discomfort and my husband was calmly chanting in the corner I might snap at him. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks… cultural communication styles. I need a midwife who can handle me when I don’t communicate in calm tones.

I am mixed race. My mother is African-American and Native-American. My father is Central American. When I am excited or upset my communication style is most like my African-American relatives when they are excited and upset, and in my experience that can scare the crap out of Caucasian people. Take my white husband for example, he is a sweet guy from the Midwest who I get along with well. However we have had our share of learning to deal with each other over our years together. I still intimidate the hell out him if we are in a fight or if I get too excited about something. I temper my personality to an extent for him, but if I am going to try for a natural birth I know I will not temper anything, there will be no way I can pre-meditate my behavior.

So I gave my midwife a call last night to talk to her about this topic. I started by asking for her experience with diverse cultural communication. It turned out to be a brilliant conversation. She was honest that she doesn’t get a lot of practice because we live in a pretty lily-white community. Diversity is an initiative talked about with her professional midwife organizations because it is important for the reasons I called her. It is also important because people of different ethnicities have statistically different birth outcomes that midwives need to be aware of. I told about how I have to be hyper-aware of my communication in this community because of the subtle pervasive racism I experience here. She shared that she has a wealthy mixed-race friend that also goes through some f*cked up sh*t here as well that she has seen first-hand and understands why I would approach her with this topic.

Our solution is that this conversation is a gateway for me to let my guard down around her during our birth classes and prenatal appointments. We will honestly communicate with each other in hopes that it will lead to an optimal birth experience for me and learning experience for her.

I love the idea that I will be in a space where I won’t have to temper raising my voice, having a roto-neck, or talking expressively with my hands. These are stereotypes people may have about how African-Americans speak and they are not true for every African-American, but they are true for me when I am happy or upset. I am also loving how in this pregnancy I am dropping a lot of pretense about accommodating others and their comfort levels just because I am different. Hopefully I can grow up and be comfortable in my own skin when I am not surrounded by people that look like me before I become a mother. Learning this skill will serve my future parenting so much.