Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
This may not be a super friendly post but it is one that is honest. This year I let go of my sister. I come from a fractured family with some extremely bitter women. Each individual is the result of a previous individual. From afar you can not be too mad at any one person no matter how poorly they have treated you. I have forgiven my mother for acting less than motherly towards me during my lifetime. I got my grandmother, even though she was never sweet to me in a maternal fashion. I also have siblings that do not act as honorably as they should.
I have a sister that in retrospect I do not know if we were ever close. She has preached the need for family especially since ours has been fractured for decades. However her actions have not lived up to her words. Over the years when she has treated me like crap I have mostly let it go. However when she has intentionally hurt my loved ones that has been harder.
Her actions over the last number of years rival the extraordinary crap you see in a Spanish-language telenovela. They are incredible. However this year she really outdid herself.
For me the hard realization was that I let go of her. I am done.
It was bittersweet because before I held on to some hurt and anger as they were the flip-side and intertwined with love and compassion. Now I am not even numb about the situation. My confusion about trying to figure out her motives is no more. The bittersweet part is that I know my compassion is not even there anymore. I wish her no ill will. I simply feel no connection to her anymore.
The hardest part has not been losing my sister, but losing my compassion for another human being. I am a Buddhist and have compassion for my world as I am interconnected to everything I perceive. The loss of compassion toward my sister has humbled me as the constant reminder that I am only human. In this life I have to deal with toxic people in a manner that pragmatically does not leave my heart susceptible to be repeatedly wounded.
Letting go of someone for the sake of your own self-preservation can be devastating, but ultimately for the best. I wish you much healing–it can be an arduous process. It was courageous of you to do so, though. We so rarely have the courage to look out for our own hearts, especially when family is in the mix.
Thank you for writing this, especially the last paragraph. I appreciate the idea that the letting go of some people doesn’t so much indicate a loss of one’s humanity as it is an affirmation of it. Much love.
I grew up an only child. I do have siblings, but they are step-siblings and we never lived together as family.
I wanted family. But I realized, maybe later in life than I would have liked, they my step-siblings were not the brothers and sisters I need or craved.
Then a funny thing happen. I got thrust into this world of Technology and Social Media. I met people like me. People who I loved to be with and loved being around. And then Paige Craig asked me to be his sister on Facebook. And that felt right. And he treated me like a little sister – at least the way I imagine older brothers treat little sisters. He’s there for me. He cares about my happiness. I learned that you can choose your family…and that sometimes friendship is thicker than blood or marriage.
Kudos to you for clearing the way for the right people to come into your life.
Your honesty is to be commended! it’s hard when we are challenged by our family, but knowing when enough is enough and the relationship is no longer fitting, that is truly a blessing.
you can love your sister and not have a relationship, finding peace with yourself and her.. i send you big hugs and lots of loves for your healing journey!
Your honesty, wisdom and peace about all of this is just amazing, Kia. This must have all been such a difficult journey.
Honestly, I think I need to work on this – the letting go and cutting ties thing. It’s difficult when it’s a friend, but much more so for me when it’s family. Strange, considering I’m not close to them in any way. I digress…
[…] at Fitcation. She has taught me so much about relationships and taking care of myself. She wrote a post about keeping toxic relationships out of her life. It hit home as I read […]