Social conditioning and parenting… blues and pinks, feminine and masculine… another topic on my mind and how my child, my husband, and myself will walk through larger than life paradigms on who we should be. My husband and I are not the type of people to run out and buy pink and blue items for babies of our friends. Our philosophy is that kids will have enough pressure from the rest of the world without having a chunk of their identity dictated to them by two strangers.
Last night I was at dinner with some friends who were asking how our preparations were going for the baby. My husband told them I went to a thrift store and picked up some items already. They asked what I bought and our conversation stalled over a pink Petit Bateau footsie suit. It is too early to know the sex and they thought that if we had a boy we could give the suit to someone else.
My husband was emphatic in saying, “If I wear pink shirts then there is no reason a son of mine can’t wear a pink suit.”
Two of our friends who have grown children argued that putting a boy in a pink suit is cruel since people won’t know what sex he is. I countered that strangers don’t need to know the sex of my child until it reaches puberty, and even then it better be respectful. I told them that if we had a boy I may compromise and do some sort of “boy” sew on patch or other hipster modification if I felt it was too feminine.
They still argued that a boy in pink would be mean. I disagree.
On a side note a friend from France recommended that I read Elena Gianini Belloti”s “Little Girls: Social Conditioning and Its Effects on the Stereotyped Role of Women During Infancy” since it focuses on gender identity themes and is available in an English translation. I will be ordering this.
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Recently my husband and I were at a museum and saw this Fatherhood piece by Wes Hempel. My husband really liked this image because he doesn’t want to be a male stereotype to his child, he wants to be more of a nuturer.
My wish for my family is that we are supportive of each other as we forge our paths with each other.