forgiveness and your health

The fitblog world is not a one-size, one-experience sort of place.  Health is a universal topic and no matter where anyone is in there fitness quest they deserve props for being active on that quest.  My best analogy to this world is when I first moved to Boulder and was intimidated to run anywhere for fear of being judged by the world-class runners who train year-round in this town.  My first trot outside was at the reservoir with the Japanese national distance trotters heading my way down a levee.  They all nodded and were friendly.  My skill was NOWHERE near there level but I was out there and my feeling of intimidation was gone when that became my common experience when faced with running gods in real life.  You are out there, you are doing something, you are worthy of being recognized.

I really had to sit with myself and question my insecurities about why I was intimidated in the first place.  I am not a sponsored runner, I am not competitive anymore.  I had built up expectations of my mind apart from where my body was at the time and was no where near that level of performance so had placed a failure label on myself that I perhaps expected those other runners to call me out on.  In truth they have their own lives and I was merely a blip they passed for a few seconds while we worked out in the same area.  All my insecurities and mind games had no bearing on their training or day.  My personal torture was just some silliness that I created that added to my day.

A lot of us create these tortuous situations that keep us from enjoying being active or enjoying ourselves.  Sit with this for a moment.  Get uncomfortable and start digging into the meat of that little monster inside you that makes life unpleasant when you look in the mirror or think of going after an active goal.

For me this little monster pops up the most when I am unbalanced in some area of my life and I have not been proactive in improving that imbalance.

Say hello to your little monster.  It is unfair how these monsters are often created by an influence we had at one time or another who ultimately has no bearing on how we carry ourselves.  Maybe we had a parent who said a rude comment when they were in a bad mood, or a sibling, or a teacher who did not know all the details of a situation.  Maybe we misinterpreted something in the past and internalized it more than it was intended.  We carry many constructs from the past that play on our actions today and they play out for many of us in our health.

I wonder for weight-loss bloggers the most after attending an intuitive eating session at fitbloggin’ last year and had to leave the room after many friends I had met were entrenched in reliving painful memories.  It wasn’t my construct but I wanted to slap anyone who made them feel less than worthy at any point in their experiences.

For you and for myself one of the biggest gifts I can extoll is self-forgiveness.  Give yourself a break.  You are free to move away from any construct that judges you unfairly or constantly. It is in the freedom of self-forgiveness that you can bloom. Forgiveness leads to love.

Do not think that you will not still be slow or fat or whatever else your reality is.  But you will bloom and have more freedom to transform yourself when you can use a loving eye to truthfully plan your next few steps.

For me I tend to stay away from telling my mother about my running.  Every time I do any sort of road race for fun I fail to tell my mother.  She is disappointed if I do not place which is hilarious since I was a sprinter in high school and college.  I do not even go there to let her get in my head. That one monster and I are at peace with each other.