All right based on the title you are either thinking one of two things:
1. We are wealthy enough to hire a nanny – WRONG
2. We are a mixed-race couple expecting a child and I am the ethnic one of the two of us – RIGHT
I don’t know how many people outside of our situation instinctively know the “nanny” stigma. It is a concern I have, I should not, but I do. There is a possibility I could have a Caucasian looking baby and be assumed to be the nanny if I am out in public without my husband. I will love my babe no matter what but would really appreciate if she/he looks like a blend of the two of us.
Me dropping two of my nieces off at the airport to go back to their mom after a week with me a number of years ago. The niece the nanny incident happened with is the one I am holding up.
Before you guffaw at how crass that thought can seem let me tell you it is a very real thing. It has actually happened to me before. Once I took one of my nieces on a trip for a week, she was 3 at the time. A well-meaning French woman on our flight started talking to her and asked her if she liked her “nice nanny.” I don’t know if my niece understood what happened but she was very quick to let this woman know I was not her nanny but her AUNT KIA. The woman was really embarrassed, I can say the rest of the flight was slightly awkward sitting next to her.
So there is a minor concern and another thing my husband talk about with our fantastic imaginations, the nanny issue. Our ideal is our child will get my ability to put on muscle, my husband’s height, my pigmentation, and a blend of our features. My husband is convinced from the 3D ultrasound the baby has more of my nose and lips already but we’ll see. We have no idea what our baby will look like.
My husband was very sweet in saying recently, “I would rather look like an adoptive dad than you look like the nanny.” I just wanted to hug him for that because the reality is that there is a stigma in our society on these matters.
I didn't experience the Nanny phenomenon as a child, but people rarely thought I was my mom's kid. I tanned like crazy as a kid & it would last most of the year. My Native American heritage was clear (I'm nearly half mutt mix of tribes, quarter German). My mom was pale like I am now–maybe paler. Frequently people didn't believe we were related, and if we went shopping with my aunt (Dad's side), they were sure I was my aunt's. It was frustrating for me and Mom. I'm happy to look like her now, though 🙂
Hmmm I om on the fence with this one. I have been on the fence all day actually. (LOL) I don't pay much attention to what people say or think so I can't say I am all that bothered by ignorance. I find it unnecessary to work myself up to school people on what is my life. I have taken my white neighbor's kids out and I am quite sure people thought I was the help. No one has ever said anything and I am quite sure if they did, I would probably laugh at them without feeding into it. While I understand your frustration, I find it too time consuming to even pay the fools any attention.
By the way, I love the pic. It looks so vintage.
I think I feel the exact opposite of Mom Noir. Something like this would really tick me off, and somebody would get told to not assume that every person of color was put on this earth to SERVE. I can't tell you how many times I'd gone to the park near my home in NJ with MY KIDS who LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ME and the women in the park assumed I was the nanny. Or that I'd escaped the hood somehow and took the bus to the "nice" park in the white part of town. Their silence spoke volumes. Their grabbing their children's hands when they saw us coming spoke volumes, too. One woman actually was bold enough to press her phone number into my hand and ask me if I had any other "nanny friends" who were looking for work. Right. Shaking that off wasn't an option. She got told up, down, and sideways in only the way an intelligent, well-spoken black woman could get it told.
I think speaking up and letting folks know makes them think twice before they make the assumption again. It's for their own protection; the next sistah may not be so understanding or nice about it.
Just know this is coming. And get your responses ready.
Been there. I am black; husband is white. Our daughter look like the EXACT mix of both of us. Really, look: dadontherise.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/thefam1.jpg
Some woman called me the Nanny when she was 4 months and it ticked me off. It's ignorant and rude and closed minded. Speak up. Tell the person how insensitive it is for them to make assumptions. My husband spoke up and actually told this woman about herself because I was too shocked to say anything. Denene is right- speak up. BTW- my husband said the same thing your husband did about being the adoptive father. It is very sweet!